There's a First Time For Everything
by Naz
Summary: The "should I? shouldn't I" A certain feeling takes hold & doesn't let go... (really bad, cryptic summary. Silly last sentence.) R&R, I beg of you!


"Findekáno?"

"Hm?"

Maitimo turned to face Findekáno, into the dark eyes through the dark hair. Down to his lips. "What is it, Maitimo?"

His face grew hot as he turned away. "Nothing," he whispered. "It is nothing."

-------------------------

He was all that was on his mind. His eyes, his voice, his body, his smile... his touch. He, _he_ was all he wanted, all he _needed._ Which was why it hurt whenever Fëanáro mentioned Findekáno's or his father's name in scorn. But he said nothing. How could he? His love was forbidden.

According to society.

But he was the only one he'd ever felt so strongly for. The only one he'd ever really loved. Not loved as a friend, but that kind of love most thought only happened between male & female. It didn't. Not for Maitimo.

Girls flirted with him & Findekáno. He just acted polite & hoped they'd find him boring, but Káno... Girls just loved him. And he seemed to love girls. He worried, then felt selfish for doing so. If Káno liked girls... So be it. No one could change that, the way no one could change Maitimo's feelings. Even if they were "wrong."

It had startled him when he first realised himself. He thought he didn't respond to girls because the girls he met didn't click romantically. He would gladly be friends , but he could tell from their downcast faces-- they wanted to be the bride of the heir, next after his father to be High King of the Noldor. Al wanted to be known as wife of Nelyafinwë Maitimo. But he didn't _want_ a wife. He knew that now, despite the fact it made Fëanáro want to throttle him.

Well, at least he liked the forge somewhat...

But he realised it one day, as a huge shock. He & Findekáno were in his room when outside they heard Fëanáro snapping at Makalaurë-- "Your younger brothers wish to work, & yet they cannot! Even your eldest brother knows the forge & works there! And yet you play instruments? You have a priveledge others must wait for, yet you do not take it!"

"You don't understand!" Makalaurë had shouted. The second-born was usually very soft-spoken, like Nerdanel, but then he had raised his voice. "I cannot work there! You do not understand; you could _never_ understand! I'm not like you, Father. I am not made for forgery."

"You are a Noldo," his father had replied coldly.

Findekáno had been staring at the closed door. "Your father is too strict."

"He can be at times."

"But why cannot Makalaurë be who he wishes? Without being scorned?" He had turned to face Maitimo, & his dark eyes sent a shock through the other.

"I..." his voice faltered. The extreme emotional pull he felt, so sudden & strong. He suddenly noticed everything he'd heard girls babble about him was true. It was in that moment he realised-- he loved Findekáno. He wanted no woman. He wanted _him,_ he who had been his friend for many a year. The fact of gender never entered his mind until later. Then all he wanted was Káno's touch, to tell him...

"Russandol?" The dark eyes had blinked questioningly, eyebrows furrowing. "Are you well?"

He had nodded slowly, unsurely. "I am," he said, & changed the subject.

He had known it was a lie.

-----------------------------------

"Father's insisting on me having a birthday party," Maitimo told Findekáno later. It was long after the empty question, & Maitimo was trying to calm the fluttering in his stomach. "I told him 'on one condition.'" He grinned and looked to Káno.

"What?" he asked, amused.

Maitimo threw his arm around Káno's shoulders & tried to push away the fact he felt more at peace now. "That you had to come." Findekáno blinked at him in Laurelin's waning light, then he laughed. Maitimo chuckled, amused & delighted. "Is it that funny?" he asked.

"Well... not really. But you know how I am."

_Do I?_ He wondered.

"So," Káno said, snapping Maitimo out of his thoughts. "When is it? Did he agree to the terms?"

Maitimo's copper head nodded. "Two days from now."

"I will be there."

-----------------------------------

Two days from then seemed to take forever to arrive. Maitimo's father was hopeful his eldest, his heir, would finally meet his bride-to-be today. So Maitimo knew Fëanáro would be inturrupting him numerous times throughout the party to ask him about numerous women & point out numerous women.

So somehow, he knew his affection for Káno would not go over well. So he would not bring it up, lest his father...

He'd rather not imagine the consequences.

Findekáno was one of the last to arrive. "I'm sorry I'm late," he apologised. "How many times has he inturrupted?" He nodded towards Fëanáro, who was with Nerdanel. She was with her fifth child, but still lively. She was trying to get her youngest not to be so shy, which was causing laughter.

Maitimo thought, yanking his copper hair. "Four times, I think."

"Not too terrible." Maitimo laughed.

For the most part they weren't alone, but even so it inspired a plan that began to form in Maitimo's mind. He had to tell him, even if he rejected him, even if he forsook him. Keeping it inside was killing him-- it hurt to keep such a secret as the one he was keeping. He was planning on pulling Káno aside when the dark-haired Noldo spilt his drink on himself. Maitimo led Káno into the deserted kitchen to clean him up.

"Don't bother," Findekáno insisted. "I can clean myself."

Maitimo ignored him. "You silly klutz," he said with amusement. "I feel as though I am taking care of a child again."

"Oh really?" Káno raised an eyebrow.

He took Maitimo's chin and tilted his face up to his own. Maitimo felt himself blush. Findekáno noticed. "You're blushing," he said softly, amused.

"I... I am not." _What's going on?_ I am the eldest... Why was he thinking this? His heart began to hammer. Findekáno's mouth cricked up in a smile. "Do not lie," he said. Then, gently, he leaned in and softly kissed Maitimo on the lips.

They would have stayed that way if Nerdanel hadn't made her way to the kitchen. Fortunetly she was calling for her eldest, so the two had enough warning, & broke away, almost as if they suddenly despised one another.

"There you are, Nelyo!" Nerdanel said, entering. Káno bowed politely to her, then left without word or glance to Maitimo. He wished to follow him, but his mother needed help with trays, so he assisted. After that was done, he went off in search of Káno. It was harder than he assumed, but he finally found him, surrounded by girls.

He paid no heed to their giggly "hello Nelyafinwë" greetings. He grasped Káno's arm & literally dragged him up to his room & closed the door. The noises weren't so loud here, & the lights were dimmer. Light from Telperion filtered through the large windows, & a light breeze fluttered the sheer curtains. They looked at each other for a while in that semi darkness, each waiting for the other to make the first move.

It was Maitimo who could no longer stand the silence. "You kissed me," he whispered, throat raw, voice cracking.

Findekáno's dark eyes blinked up to look to Maitimo's. "So you hate me," he whispered back. He looked down to the floor. "Forgive me. I shall erase it from memory, &--"

A finger was pressed lightly against Káno's lips. He looked up to Maitimo again, who was smiling smally. His copper hair, the subject of many a rather stupid conversation, fell in front of his dark hazel-- almost black-- eyes, almost hiding them. But Findekáno could see his eyes were gentle. They seemed to be saying, "Káno, you just now realised?"

"Shh," Maitimo sooted, gently brushing back some of Káno's dark hair. He chuckled. "Silly Káno." He kissed him then, & Findekáno kissed back, & so they both knew. They lingered there, paying no heed to the world around them.

--------------------------

"You love him."

Maitimo swiveled round. "Makalaurë," he gasped. "I did not hear you enter."

The second eldest nodded. "That would be because of that letter, would it not?" He nodded to the letter from Káno that Maitimo had been reading. The other Noldo blushed, heart racing. He and Makalaurë had always been close. Would his little brother betray him now?

Instead of exiting ominously, smirking, Makalaurë went to sit on Maitimo's bed. The beams of golden light played in his hair.

"Will you tell Mother & Father?" Maitimo asked in a whisper, although they were alone in the house. he imagined Mother's tears; Father in a fit of rage. His heir, a homosexual? They would disown him, surely. He stared levelly at Makalaurë. Their eyes met & he saw in the others' the kind of innocence a child has. "Why would I?" Makalaurë asked.

"Well... its is not exactly traditional..." Maitimo said.

"You love each other, don't you?"

The elder of the two blushed. "Yes," he muttered.

Makalaurë smiled, tugging a braid loose. "Then I see nothing wrong with it."

Maitimo felt his eyes mist, & he nearly pounced upon his younger brother. "O, Makalaurë!" he exclaimed, relief flooding him. "Thank you so much."

The younger pryed his brother from him. "So," he asked, when they were sitting side by side on the bed. "What's it like?"  
  
"What is what like?"

He rolled his eyes slightly, grinned. "Being in love."

Maitimo opened his mouth, then thought. "No," he said finally. "I don't wish to spoil it for you." He tugged on his brother's loose braid. "And besides, I have the right to keep secrets, do I not?"

Makalaurë pouted, glared, & then decided to sock Maitimo with the pillow.

OWARI


End file.
